Immigrant Song » Idiocy

Pau Gasol vs. The Legion of Doom

Rachel Arieff — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 11:30:32 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozDkvLiigFI

Este clip es surrealista. Me gustaría poder ver la versión no editada, pero puesto que no la tenemos, éste es lo que hay y lo que voy a comentar.

Aquí tenemos un atleta, que bajo ninguna circunstancia debería verse obligado a comentar sobre asuntos actuales que no correspondan al deporte, hablando sobre un asunto políticamente delicado con una inteligencia, elocuencia y sensatez que debería corresponder a los comentaristas. Y en cambio, ahí están tres chimpancés amargados, impulsados por los motivos más bajos del ser humano, parloteando con las garras sacadas en un intento patético de destruirle.

Es teatro en su forma más clásica y sabrosa: El Bueno contra Los Malos. Satisface!

No conozco gran cosa de Pau Gasol, pero me impresiona mucho. Y también me impresiona la decisión de los comentaristas de ir a por él, siendo una figura que inspira tanta simpatía, con los argumentos ridículos que proponen. ¿Llamarle hipócrita por vivir en U.S.A. para ganar millones y apoyar la justicia a la vez? Además de ser una chorrada, ese argumento corresponde más a los marxistas que odian tanto que a la derecha a la que pertenecen. Falta descalificante para estos de Intereconomía, y un trofeo para Pau Gasol.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipuq-nCqfCU

Late Nite Music Lounge #5: Requiem for a Weiner

Rachel Arieff — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 19:25:48 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjDTC8MaDCk

Our loyal viewers have requested that we dedicate the next Lounge to remembering our fallen comrade, ex-Congressman Anthony Weiner. And it just so happens that there are two Top 40 hits – one from 1940, the other from 1971 — that perfectly express our collective grief at the senseless loss of our Weiner.

____________________________

“Whispering Grass” by The Ink Spots – Top 10 hit in 1940

Why do you whisper, green grass?

Why tell the tress what ain’t so?

Whispering grass, the trees don’t need to know, no, no

Why tell them all your secrets?

Who kissed there long ago

Whispering grass, the trees don’t need to know

Don’t you tell it to the trees

She will tell the birds and bees

And everyone will know

Because you told the blabbering trees

Yes, you told them once before

It’s no secret anymore

Why tell them all the old things?

They’re buried under the snow

Whispering grass, don’t tell the trees

’cause the trees don’t need to know

Why do you whisper, green grass?

Why tell the tress what ain’t so?

Whispering grass, the trees don’t need to know, no, no

Why tell them all your secrets?

Who kissed there long ago

Whispering grass, the trees don’t need to know

Don’t you tell it to the trees

She will tell the birds and bees

And everyone will know

Because you told the blabbering trees

Yes, you told them once before

It’s no secret anymore

Why tell them all the old things?

They’re buried under the snow

Whispering grass, don’t tell the trees

’cause the trees don’t need to know

Late Nite Music Lounge #4: My Weiner Is the Centerfold

Rachel Arieff — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 23:16:26 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7uKSc27AL8

Tonight’s Late Nite Music Lounge is dedicated to Congressman Anthony Weiner. I was and still am a fan. Sad to see him go, as he would’ve done great things for America.

Does he walk, does he talk, does he come complete?
My sweet Anthony Weiner, never thought that he could cheat
He was pure like a snowflake, no one could ever stain
The memory of my Weiner could never cause me pain

Years go by, I’m surfin’ through my internet machine
And there’s my New York Weiner on the pages in-between!

My blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold
My Weiner is the centerfold, Weiner is the centerfold
My blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold
My Weiner is the centerfold, Weiner is the centerfold

Slipping notes in a sext, and Tweeting photos of his chest
And other parts of An-tho-nay, you know he wasn’t shy!
Carrying on with some cooze
When he flashed those Weiner jewels
The pictures got back to the news, and now he wants to die
That big and rock-hard woodie, too magical to touch
To see it on MSNBC is really just too much

-CHORUS-

But Anthony, you don’t understand! This ain’t no never-never land
We’ll always think about yer dong, even when yer clothes are on
You took your job, yes you did, ya took your job and shoved it
Flushed your career down the toilet – you’ll never rise above it

Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na…

Next Late-Nite Lounge Will Be Dedicated to Anthony Weiner

Rachel Arieff — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 13:08:45 +0000

As a bleeding-heart liberal with fire in the belly, I feel heartbroken by the Anthony Weiner scandal. A shining star to the progressive cause, a fighter and not a wimp like most of the Democrats, Congressman Weiner was brought down by his own horndog behavior and clumsy coverup attempts, and a downright pathological sense of invincibility that we should only expect from our favorite rock stars and politicians. Yes, he’s a sociopath, but he’s our sociopath, fighting the good fight to preserve the America that I believe in. Thus it kills me to see where it’s led him – and the nation as a whole.

So, to commemorate this dark moment for sane Americans, I will be devoting the next Late-Nite Music Lounge to my fallen hero, the latest champion to be caught between a rock and a, um, hard place in the labyrinth of puritanical American sexual mores: Congressman Anthony Weiner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O_GRkMZJn4

The Lounge will be up this week, so stay tuned.

What Was the WORST Song Ever Written?

Rachel Arieff — Tue, 03 May 2011 14:15:23 +0000

I’m not referring to guilty pleasures: songs that you know are bad, but in spite of everything you know to be right, they get your toes a-tapping and somehow make you happy… dammit!

No, I’m talking about really, truly bad songs. Songs that are offensive in how bad they are. Songs that do nothing for you except make you mad.

Banal musical arrangements that, each time we’re subjected to them, take a little bite out of our souls and leave us a little less than we were.

And the lyrics. Oh, the lyrics. Lyrics that not only insult our intelligence, but also provoke us to vomit a tiny little bit into our mouths. Lyrics which, if submitted to any 3rd-grade teacher, would be returned with a big red “F” scrawled on top of them.

I’m talking about songs that insult our aesthetic sense of decency. Songs that should make their creators ashamed to show their faces in public ever again.

One final criterion: these songs have to have been massively popular. No fair picking on some unknown band or a mental patient with Garage Band and an internet connection. No, the Worst Song in the World must be a song that millions upon millions of people actually believe to be awesome!

That shouldn’t make it any harder. No one ever lost money betting on the bad taste of the masses.

Up until 1997, my nomination for Worst Song was “Simply the Best” by Tina Turner. A lackluster, repetitive tune with virtually no melody that showcased the following literary brilliance:

You’re simply the best

Better than all the rest

Better than anyone

Anyone I’ve ever met

Jesus Christ, if I turned that pap in to my 4th-grade Poetry teacher she would’ve balled up the paper and thrown it back in my face.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC5E8ie2pdM

However, that all changed when Shania Twain came out with the vomitous “Man! I Feel Like a Woman”. This song “wins” in both lyric and musical categories based on the following:

1) Least catchy, most un-musical hit in the history of pop music,

2) Worst guitar riff ever, and

3) Vile, execrable lyrics. A song supposedly celebrating femininity, this bimbic anthem actually makes me hate women. At least women like Shania Twain. It’s these kind of airheads that make life harder for the rest of us.

“The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and…

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I’m a lady
Men’s shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin’ it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel, way i feel
Man! I feel like a woman!”

[Man, I feel like throwing up in my purse.]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJL4UGSbeFg

Which tune gets your nomination for the Worst Song Ever Written?

La religión al estilo antiguo

Rachel Arieff — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 12:41:14 +0000

Que cualquier persona pueda culpar a un seguramente mentalmente defectuoso redneck en Florida y sus ovejas por los asesinatos horrorosos de los tres empleados de las Naciones Unidas y sus guardias en Afghanistan es algo que no llego a entender. Los responsables de esos asesinatos son los locos que los mataron, no el barato busca-publicidad que quemó un Corán.

El presidente de Afghanistan, Hamid Karzai, ha exigido que el cretino que quemó el Koran, Pastor Terry Jones, sea “llevado a la justicia”. Probablemente lo ha dicho para que los locos de su país vayan a por él. Sin embargo, este hombre no entiende nada sobre America, el país que básicamente le permitió alcanzar el poder? En EE.UU., la libertad de expresión es absoluta. El hombre quemó un libro. Un libro sagrado para algunos, pero obviamente no para él. Fue una cosa imbécil que hacer. Fue irresponsable. Pero no fue un crimen. Por lo menos no en una sociedad libre — o sea, secular. Este es un concepto que los fanáticos religiosos — cada vez que pasa algo así — no llegan a pillar.
La expresión — incluyendo quemar una bandera (la de mi país arde todo el tiempo en todas partes del mundo), o un libro sagrado de cualquier fé — no equivale al asesinato. Por lo menos, no para los seres humanos modernos y razonables.
Otro ejemplo de la falta de conocimiento de los fanáticos religiosos sobre lo que significa vivir en una sociedad libre, moderna y racional es muy reciente, muy cercano, aunque mucho más “light”: los valientes “soldados” cristianos viva-cristo-rey que interrumpieron una obra en Barcelona, “Gang Bang”, saltando al escenario, amenazando físicamente a los actores y gritando, “NO SE PUEDE UTILIZAR EL NOMBRE DE DIOS EN VANO.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4YI9Hi1iMU

Una noticia: Es el siglo 21. Franco ha muerto. Sois una minoría. Entonces: sí, se puede.

Ya es suficiente que toleremos a esos enfermos mentales religiosos y que los dejemos vivir entre nosotros, aferrados a sus fábulas y supersticiones. Merecen nuestras risas y burlas. Es el precio que deben pagar por aferrarse a sus actitudes medievales. Actitudes que incluyen la persecución de gays, mujeres, y básicamente cualquiera que piense de una manera distinta de ellos.

Staffan de Mistura, el enviado más importante de las N.U. a Afghanistan, habló sobre los asesinatos en la prensa. Uno de sus comentarios me pareció absolutamente deprimente en su falta de comprensión de uno de los conceptos más importantes a una sociedad libre:

“La libertad de expresión no significa la libertad de ofender culturas, religiones o tradiciones. Los que entraron en el edificio estaban furiosamente rabiosos sobre el asunto del Coran. No tenía nada que ver con la política.”

Entonces: los que entraron en el edificio y asesinaron a tres inocentes y aterrorizados empleados de N.U., y sus cuatro guardias nepaleses a sangre fría fueron justificados en su comportamiento? Qué cojones está diciendo este hombre?

Cada fanático religioso que asesina en nombre de su religion está “furiosamente rabioso”. Cada soldado religioso — que sea “Viva Cristo Rey” o “Allah Akbar” — cree que está haciendo lo correcto cuando agrede. Los asesinos del 11 de Marzo en Atocha creían que hacían tan bien, que irían directamente al cielo! Por eso, la fe es peligrosa — hello! Y es por eso que la religión y la razón, la superstición y la ley de la sociedad secular, son completamente incompatibles.

Marx dijo que la religión es el opio de las masas. Esa es una visión demasiado optimista! Yo diría más bien que la religión es como el crack o crystal meth de las masas. Hace que la gente tonta se vuelva loca. Les provoca matar. Y luego — y más ofensivo — justifica sus actos antisociales. “Mira: lo dice claramente en nuestro libro sagrado! Nadie nos puede criticar. Y si alguien se atreve a hacerlo: tenemos el derecho de matarlos! Porque nuestro libro lo ordena.”

Y si, la libertad de expresión, de hecho, sí que significa la libertad de ofender a culturas, religiones, y tradiciones. Eso es exactamente lo que significa la libertad de expresión. Es lo que se llama la sátira y la crítica social, y tales “ofensas” son el motor del progreso de la civilización. Si quitamos esta libertad, si empezamos a matizar e imponer restricciones para tales colectivos e intereses, entonces sofocamos las ideas y regresamos a los tiempos medievales.

Y por cierto: quién cojones tiene el derecho de decidir lo que es ofensivo? Como podemos ver en el comportamiento de los fanáticos religiosos: los que tienen los palos más grandes, los cuchillos más afilados… y las creencias más fuertes.

Gimme That Old-Time Religion

Rachel Arieff — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 11:17:07 +0000

How anyone can blame the horrific murders of the seven UN workers and their guards in Afghanistan on a most certainly mentally defective redneck douchebag in Florida and his sheep is beyond me. Those responsible for their deaths are the crazed people who killed them, not the cheap asshole publicity-hound who burned a Koran.

Afghan President Hamid Karzai has demanded that the Koran-burner, Pastor Terry Jones, be “brought to justice”. Does this man not understand anything about America, the country that basically propped him into power? In America, free speech is absolute. The man burned a book. It was an asshole thing to do. It was irresponsible. But it is not a crime. At least not in a free (meaning secular) society. This is a concept that religious fanatics, time and again, fail to understand.

Speech — or burning a flag, or a holy book of whatever faith — is not equivalent to murder. At least not for rational human beings.

Another example — very recent, very local, although much more “light” — of the failure of religious fanatics to understand what it is to live in a free, modern and rational society: the Christian “soldiers” who disrupted a play in Barcelona by jumping onstage, making menacing gestures towards the actors and screaming, “YOU CANNOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD IN VAIN!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4YI9Hi1iMU

Newsflash: it’s the 21st Century. Franco is dead. Therefore: yes, we can.

It’s enough that we tolerate these religious fanatics and allow them to live in our midst, clinging to their fables and superstitions. They deserve laughter and mockery. It’s the price they ought to pay for clinging to their backward, 15th-century attitudes. Attitudes which include the persecution of gays and women and basically anyone who thinks differently from them.

Staffan de Mistura, the top U.N. envoy in Afghanistan, commented on the murders to the press. I found one of his comments utterly depressing in its lack of understanding this very basic concept of free society:

“Freedom of speech does not mean freedom of offending culture, religion or traditions. Those who entered our building were actually furiously angry about the issue about the Quran. There was nothing political there.”

So those who entered the building and murdered several cowering, terrified, innocent UN employees and their Nepalese guards were justified in their actions? What the hell is this man saying?

Every religious fanatic who murders in the name of his or her religion is “actually furiously angry”. Every murderous religious fanatic believes he is doing the right thing. This is why belief is dangerous. This is why religion and reason, superstition and secular society, are completely and hopelessly incompatible.

Marx said religion is the opiate of the masses. That’s too optimistic a view! Religion is more like the crystal meth of the masses. It makes dumb people insane. It drives them to murder. And then, it justifies their antisocial acts. “Look, it says so right here in our holy book! No one can criticize us! And if anyone does, we can murder them!”

And yes, freedom of speech in fact does mean freedom to offend culture, religion or traditions. That’s exactly what freedom of speech means. It’s what’s called satire and social critique, and just such offensiveness is what’s responsible for pushing civilization forward. If we take this liberty away from society, then we have the stifling of ideas and an eventual return to the Dark Ages.

And by the way: who the hell gets to decide what’s offensive anyway? As we can clearly see from the actions of the religious fanatics: those with the biggest sticks, the sharpest knives… and the strongest beliefs.

Back from the Dead

Rachel Arieff — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 12:27:20 +0000

Primero, quiero pedir disculpas a todos los que han dejado comentarios en este blog que no han sido aprobados hasta ahora. Este Word Press es una cosa rara; a veces me avisa cuando llegan y a veces no. En este caso, ha pasado de avisarme completamente… probablemente en espíritu de venganza, por mi comportamiento tan pasota respecto a este blog.

La verdad es que he estado metida en mil movidas este último mes, y debido a mi personalidad obsesiva que no sabe hacer nada con moderación, las cosas me salen “todo o nada”. En este caso, se ha traducido a un descuido enorme respecto a email e informática. Y con los años, esta tendencia mía va a peor.

Supongo que hay una pastilla que me curaría de ese defecto, pero los farmaceúticos te joden la creatividad. Y tengo mis mejores ideas cuando estoy corriendo desnuda por el Caprabo(TM) de mi barrio.

Tengo varias cosas para enseñaros, empezando por unas fotos que saqué en una tienda por la Ronda San Antoni. Un par de artefactos de nuestra edad de consumición compulsiva, hasta las personalidades más legendarias de la cultura pop.

Pero primero, un breve historial: cuando tenía 12 años, el profesor de historia nos dio la tarea de preparar una tesis sobre alguien histórico. Después de mucha discusión con él — una batalla que acabé ganando simplemente por agobiarle, no por convencerle — me permitió escribir sobre Marilyn Monroe.

Pero desde entonces, la pobre Marilyn ha sido quemada para mí hace ya muchos años. No fue culpa suya, porque en mi opinión, sigue siendo uno de los personajes más fascinantes y encantadores de este siglo (y pico).

Todo empezó con ese retrato de Warhol, en su época algo curioso y revolucionario. Quién hubiera imaginado que los retratos de Warhol se convertirían en el agobio de decoración de hogar modernita y low-cost durante el siglo que venía?

Aquí tenemos una clase de “wall art” para la casa:

Aprecio especialmente el detalle de imprimir su nombre debajo de cada retrato. Por si cupiese la duda de cómo se llama ese rostro. Por si el comprador es alguien que ha vivido en una cueva durante toda la vida.

Vi un cartel que hizo lo mismo con el pobre James Dean. Su famosa foto, en chaqueta de biker, estampado en carteles, biombos, papeleras…

Pero el golpe más bestia fue lo siguiente, de nuevo a Marilyn:

Si Marilyn y James Dean hubiesen sabido que sus rostros acabarían, 50 años después de sus muertes, ornamentando papeleras y recoge-escombros, se habrían suicidado mucho antes.

__________________________

Oh, y esta noche: Planeta Catalunya! Como siempre, en el Café Teatre Llantiol de Barcelona, C/ Riereta 7, 23h. Click aquí para más info y reservas. Sólo quedan unos 4 shows hasta el summer break, y quién sabe qué nos pasará entonces. Si el planeta (universal, no catalán) seguirá existiendo o no.

Por eso soy así

Rachel Arieff — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 13:58:32 +0000

Dentro de un mes, estrenaré mi primer show de comedia completamente autobiográfica, Por Eso Soy Así. Será en Teatreneu de Barcelona, y empezará el viernes 4 de Febrero. (Seguiré haciendo Planeta Catalunya en el Teatro Llantiol como siempre.)

De qué se trata Por Eso Soy Así? Pues de mi viaje de auto-descubrimiento, en que figuran fenómenos divertidos como disfunción familiar, desórdenes alimenticios, relaciones bizarras, drogas, malos tratos, fugas de la ley… y todo antes de cumplir 25 años!

El show será en castellano, cada viernes a las 23:30 h. en la Sala Café Teatre de Teatreneu, en calle Terol 26 en el barrio de Gracia. Se puede hacer reservas a través de la web de Teatreneu. Debido a su material bastante chocante, es sólo apto para adultos.

America Is Becoming Like Pakistan

Rachel Arieff — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 19:02:18 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

In the past 24 hours, my country has made a giant leap backwards. America is starting to look more like Mexico or Pakistan. Today the U.S. is a country in which politicians, judges, and innocent bystanders are assassinated by fanatics manipulated by dark and powerful interests.

It’s official: we’re back in 1963. Or 1968.

During the Christmas holiday, I wrote a post about the disturbing turn that American society has taken in the past few years, more intensely since the election of President Obama.

Gabrielle Giffords with her husband

Yesterday, Gabrielle Giffords, a Democratic congresswoman, was shot in the head in a shooting spree during a meeting with her supporters in a supermarket in Tuscson, Arizona. The bullet entered her skull, tore through her brain and exited through the other side. She is now hospitalized and her surgeons have said that she will probably survive, though nobody knows with what physical or mental capacity.

Christina Taylor Green, 9 years old

The shooter killed a Federal judge, John Roll, and five others, including a nine-year-old girl who — the entire U.S. press is trumpeting — was born, ironically, on September 11th, 2001.

The murderer (though there might be another at large) is a 22-year-old man who, judging from the videos he created and uploaded to YouTube, seems, if not psychotic, at least severely psychologically distubed. In his videos, he rambles paranoically about gold and the value of currency, and mass “mind control” by master manipulators.

The terms and paranoic concepts in these videos sound an awful lot like those used by the one of the most dangerous and famous demagogues of the radical right, the popular TeeVee and radio “personality” Glenn Beck.

This man has been not-so-subtly inciting his unsophisticated listeners to violent pseudo-revolution for years. He’s said that the Democrats are “begging for violence” by their opposition. The man preaches in apocalyptic terms about American decadence — the existence of which, by the way, I’m in agreement with — but blaming it all on Democrats, Progressives and the President. It’s obvious to anyone with a head on their shoulders that this cheap, either delusional or unconscionably cynical showman — because that’s all he is — plays with the rage, prejudice and ignorance of the masses, as evidenced in the now infamous “Puppet Master” tirade attacking billionaire philanthropist George Soros.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dF08PUaQgp4

The episode was parodied by John Stewart on The Daily Show. Stewart’s satire of Beck was hilarious at the time. In light of yesterday’s assassinations, though, it’s taken on a more chilling quality.

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George Soros Plans to Overthrow America

www.thedailyshow.com

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I’m not saying that Glenn Beck was directly responsible for what happened yesterday in Tuscon, but he and other media fear-mongers like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly have all contributed to an atmosphere of stifling tension, paranoia, and hate in American society.

I also include in this bunch with blood on their hands the sickening Sarah Palin, who in 2010 published a U.S. map on her Facebook page that targeted with crosshairs 20 Democratic congressmen and women who voted for the universal health care bill, citing their names and locations.

Sarah Palin's map indicating with crosshairs the Democratic members of the House who supported the universal health care measure for American citizens.

As if that weren’t clear enough, Palin also made news when she famously urged her supporters, “Don’t retreat; reload” against these public servants.

In the column of names on the left, you’ll find the name of Gabrielle Giffords, Democratic congresswoman, who received a bullet through her brain yesterday in Tuscon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HW0Xx4DXkYk