Immigrant Song » Tee Vee

Cuando vivir en una casa de putas deja de ser divertido

Rachel Arieff — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 13:32:03 +0000

…y empieza a ser un rollo a niveles estratoféricos.

Anoche, volvemos del Anti. Tarde, muy tarde, como siempre. Nos acostamos a las 4. Tengo que coger el AVE el día siguiente a la 1h para ir a Madrid. Al llegar, tengo que hacer “check-in” en el hotel, organizarme para la grabación en Joy, llegar a Joy con mi ropa de puta y todo lo que necesito para la actuación, ir a maquillaje, sacar fotos allí en Joy para la web de Paramount, y a las 20h, salir al escenario y no cagarla en frente de la cámara.

Unas cuantas cositas que me ponen un poco nerviosa, sí.

Lo más que puedo dormir serán 6 horas. Mucho menos que lo que se requiere un decente “beauty rest” para salir sin ojeras y arrugas, pero es lo que hay. Procuro perder la consciencia enseguida para descansar tanto como sea posible.

Unos minutos después de tumbarnos, suena el timbre de la calle. “BWWWWAAAAAA!”

Nunca nos ha pasado eso desde que vivimos en este piso. Por supuesto tendría que pasar esta noche.

“What the FUCK?” nos decimos.

Qué hacemos?

Cesar contesta. No hay nadie.

Motherfucker.

Nos volvemos a tumbar. Pasan 20 minutos, y “BWAAAAAAA!” Esta vez se repite. “BWAAAAAAA! BWAAAAAAA, BWAAAAAAA, BWAAAAAAA!”

God, DAMMIT.

Cesar se levanta disparado y coge el interfono. “Quién es!” grita. Pausa. “Se ha equivocado.” Pausa. “Se-ha-equivo-CADO.” Y lo cuelga con una hostia.

Un cliente gilipollas de las vecinas buenas. “Dijo que no se abre la puerta,” gruñe Cesar. “Pues… si no se abre, le van a abrir otra gente a quienes ha despertado a las seis de la madrugada? Tanto imbécil en el mundo!” Eso no puedo discutir.

Volvemos a tumbar. Siento como si haya tomado un espresso. Me quedo en la cama, rígida, intentando dormir.

Pasa más tiempo. Estoy media-dormida. Suena el timbre de nuevo. Cesar se levanta…

Por fin, llego a soñar. Con qué sueño? Que una tía imbécil viene a mi casa mientras estoy intentando dormir antes de hacer mi primera grabación para la tele en este país. Le cojo por el cuello y le digo, “Es que no me dejas dormir, tía. Y si sigues con eso, te voy a matar.” Puedo sentir la carne de su cuello hundiendo debajo la presión de mis dedos. La tía me mira con una cara estúpida de vaca, no comprendiendo nada.

A las 10 suena el despertador. No te preocupes; ya estoy despierta.

Espero que la maquilladora sea excelente. Y que mantengan el plano de la cámara bien lejos.

Post-Spanish Election Treat: Gushers!

Rachel Arieff — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 11:52:53 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Of-HU6p9sT4

Not only do I not understand the concept, but I don’t understand how something like this even exists. What a wonderful world.

Wouldn’t it have been awesome if these dancers were on the set, “interpreting” Rajoy and Rubalcaba’s answers during the debate?

Enjoy your post-Spanish election treat! Hat tip to my friend Beau Bahan in Austin.

Paramount Comedy, Planeta Catalunya

Rachel Arieff — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 17:20:53 +0000

Ya lo he anunciado en otras partes, pero por si no conectes al Facebook o Twitter, estaré en Madrid este martes 22 de Noviembre para grabar un monólogo de 20-25 minutos para Paramount Comedy. Los monólogos de esa noche deberían salir en la tele el 31 de Diciembre.

Tendrá lugar en Joy Eslava y empieza bastante pronto: a las 19:15 h. También saldrán los cómicos Juanjo Albiñana, Chema Ruiz, Raquel Sastre y Gabriel Córdoba.

Entonces, si estás en Madtown, ven a Joy a vernos!

Más info en mi página Facebook o la web de Paramount.

Y este jueves 24 de Noviembre en el Café-Teatre Llantiol de Barcelona, volveré a hacer otra velada de Planeta Catalunya. He hecho algunos cambios; si no has venido a verlo en un tiempo — o nunca — te animo a venir a verlo antes de que me echen de aquí.

See ya!

Schoolhouse Rock Covers

Rachel Arieff — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 10:01:43 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jeq5a8bBh8c

I wrote about the American videoclip series Schoolhouse Rock in my last post. It’s fun to note that Schoolhouse Rock has inspired a number of popular cover versions, such as Elliot Smith’s eerily beautiful cover of “Figure 8″:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tR_jNDD5-gQ

Perhaps the most popular Schoolhouse Rock song to cover is “Three is the Magic Number”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GA69pmhrBiE

De La Soul did a great cover of “Three is a Magic Number”, which became a popular single in 1990:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0irL1M15DH8

Blind Melon’s cover of the same song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVfe6rdHRKI

Jeff Buckley’s cover:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clC13bXYrno

Schoolhouse Rock: a Black American Musical Education

Rachel Arieff — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 13:29:49 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEqRo7J_Y0Q

[For maximum enjoyment of this video, I recommend turning the up volume LOUD!]

Schoolhouse Rock was a series of short musical, educational clips that would run on Saturday mornings when I was a kid. They remain immensely popular not only for my generation, but for later generations who didn’t grow up with the series.

Schoolhouse Rock was created in the seventies, at the height of Black pride consciousness. To put it in perspective, Blacks had only recently been granted civil rights. Less than 15 years before, Black Americans couldn’t even vote and were brutally oppressed in daily life. In the seventies, schools were still being desegregated throughout the nation, including my own. Black children had few role models and heroes represented in the popular culture.

For this reason, the Black superhero in the “Verb: That’s What’s Happenin’” clip made a big impression on me. I remember thinking: “Wow! A Black Superman! Cool!” So I can’t even imagine how it must have affected Black kids to finally see a Black Superman, heroically rescuing people and receiving adoration just as any white superhero would.

Other details stand out in this cartoon: the happily integrated movie theater, the young Black protagonist making his way through the world with confidence, encouraged to dream about his future (as Martin Luther King did), climbing mountains, going to the movies alone and returning home safely to the loving arms of his mother. All this hope and optimism reflected in one cartoon, daring to put the dreams of a people into image and music.

I also remember from this era the slogan “Black is beautiful,” in conversation as well as printed on bumper stickers. “Black is beautiful” was the Black community’s attempt at self-healing, an effort to change the negative way white society saw Black people — and to change the way Black people saw themselves — after a couple hundred years of systematic denigration in American society.

I am certain that the Schoolhouse Rock cartoons, along with programs such as Sesame Street and The Electric Company, helped changed the consciousness of America. And that’s why they’ve become not just musical, but beloved cultural and historical artifacts.

Below is an American high-school’s recent interpretation of the same song. In my opinion, the performance lacks a bit of soul, but the students do their best considering that most of them are white and weren’t even born when Schoolhouse Rock was on TeeVee!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obw5NXzHL9I

Lyrics:

I get my thing in action (Verb!)
To be, to sing, to feel, to live (Verb!)
That’s what’s happenin’

I put my heart in action (Verb!)
To run, to go, to get, to give (Verb!)
(You’re what’s happenin’)

That’s where I find satisfaction, yeah! (Yeah!)
To search, to find, to have, to hold
(Verb! To be bold)
When I use my imagination (Verb!)
I think, I plot, I plan, I dream
Turning in towards creation (Verb!)
I make, I write, I dance, I sing
When I’m feeling really active (Verb!)
I run, I ride, I swim, I fly!
Other times when life is easy
(Oh!) I rest, I sleep, I sit, I lie.

(Verb! That’s what’s happenin’)
I can take a noun and bend it,
Give me a noun -
(Bat, boat, rake, and plow)
Make it a verb and really send it!
(Show me how)
Oh, I don’t know my own power. (Verb!)

I get my thing in action (Verb!)
In being, (Verb!) In doing, (Verb!)
In saying
A verb expresses action, being, or state of being. A verb makes a statement. Yeah, a verb tells it like it is!

(Verb! That’s what’s happenin’.)
I can tell you when it’s happenin’,
(Past, present, future tense)
Ooh! Tell you more about what’s happenin’,
(Say it so it makes some sense)
I can tell you who is happenin’!
(Verb, you’re so intense)
Every sentence has a subject.
(Noun, person, place, or thing)
Find that subject: Where’s the action?
(Verb can make a subject sing)
Take the subject: What is it? (What!)
What’s done to it? (What!)
What does it say?
(Verb, you’re what’s happenin’)

I can question like: What is it?
(Verb, you’re so demanding.)
I can order like: Go get it!
(Verb, you’re so commanding.)
When I hit I need an object
(Verb, hit! Hit the ball!)
When I see, I see the object
(Do you see that furthest wall?)

If you can see it there, put the ball over the fence, man!
Go ahead. Yeah, alright.
What?! He hit it. It’s going, it’s going, it’s gone!
(What!)

I get my thing in action.
(Verb, that’s what’s happenin’)
To work, (Verb!)
To play, (Verb!)
To live, (Verb!)
To love… (Verb!…)

Sesame Street: “That’s About the Size”

Rachel Arieff — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 13:20:14 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qd9Bd4nX9Q

Anyone remember this?

All throughout my life this song pops into my head without warning. It’s one of the first songs that I can remember. I was very, very young when I first heard it — maybe three or five years old at the most.

Even though I didn’t completely understand the lyrics at the time, somehow they were burned into my consciousness. I think it was because of the music more than anything else. I always loved this tune and I know it’s influenced how I hear and compose music.

I’ve always adored the songs from Sesame Street in general (pre-Elmo years). There was another show on at the time, The Electric Company, but it just didn’t grab me like Sesame Street did, and I know it was because of the music. The music from Sesame Street was truly wonderful. It wasn’t typical children’s music. It was composed by truly talented artists with soul and wit and whimsy. It was music good enough for adults to enjoy, and that’s why it’s stayed with me all these years.

This morning this song came back into my head again. I did a search on YouTube, not believing that I’d actually find the original cartoon. But there it was, preserved after so many years. I watched these images for the first time since I was three or five years old.

It was heartbreaking. I shot me back to being a child and identifying so easily with every creature in the video: an ant, a cockroach, a puppy, the sun and stars. Back when everything seemed friendly and connected and wondrous I knew of none of the horrible things that happen to us in this world. To be honest, I can’t watch this anymore without losing it.

___________________________

Oh, everything comes in its own special size

I guess it can be measured by where you put your eyes

It’s so big when you’re close, it looks smaller back a bit

That’s about the size of it.

That’s about the size, where you put your eyes

That’s about the size of it.

Well the big becomes the little when you see it back a bit

The huge becomes the dinky which is just the opposite

Of the larger that gets smaller, it never seems to quit

That’s about the size of it

That’s about the size, where you put your eyes

That’s about the size of it.

That the big becomes the little, that’s the way it seems to go

That they make up a larger thing is something good to know

It’s nice to know that though we’re small there’s always room to grow, and

That’s about the size of it.

That’s about the size, where you put your eyes

That’s about the size of it.

Viral Video Stars: “Where Are They Now?”

Rachel Arieff — Wed, 19 May 2010 22:30:33 +0000

Do you ever wonder what happened to some of these people who became such an entertaining part of your life for a day or two? Wouldn’t you love to see a show about what happened to them?

I’ve fantasized about the fates of some of my favorite YouTube characters:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HFb5N0AyCk

Of course this poor, barely-closeted weatherman must have lost his job once this video went viral. But I like to think he’s having a much better time now in his new career as the host of a hip new reality show for MTV-France, on fully fumigated sets.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFk6JaHEX6c

I enjoy imagining this lovely but unlucky anchorwoman as the CEO of a new and crushingly successful dating agency.

I pray that this reporter got to leave this “country-ass, fucked up town” behind and is now enjoying his life as a jet-setting correspondent in the most sophisticated world capitols: New York, Shanghai, Paris, Tokyo — and always indoors. May he never have to walk through grass and pollen again!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV-HLXeUmAk

God. I tried so hard to imagine a happy ending for this terribly unfortunate girl in the hot tub, I really did. Poor thing definitely must’ve killed herself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vxTW4qK8-M

Here’s hoping this crustacean-phobic cook conquers her nerves one day and hosts her own Martha Stewart-Meets-Jackass-type show. Martha’s all right, but this lady (and her dog) would kick her ass!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8aprCNnecU

This adorably cherubic, cookie-loving tot is now a preteen and a total fucking asshole.

Muppet Bohemian Rhapsody

Rachel Arieff — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 10:37:38 +0000

My favorite show as a child, Sesame Street, is 40 years old this year. Hands down, Sesame Street was the king. No other children’s program — not even The Electric Company — could even come close. Sesame Street was that perfect combination: fun, silly, and entertaining, but also smart and hip. The measure of its brilliance is that it’s always been able to entertain both children and adults.

The Muppet Show, which followed me perfectly into early adolescence, was created by the same team that brought us Sesame Street. Immediately, I was a huge fan. I even learned how to play the entire musical repertoire of The Muppet Show on the piano. But alas, in just a couple of years into The Muppet Show‘s existence, I reached the age where children’s programs become totally uncool. I forced myself to stop watching The Muppet Show, even though it continued to secretly seduce me as my younger brother Sam continued to watch it. (To me, Sam was the eternal lover of all things uncool.)

Thus I remember the utter confusion that resulted in my tiny little conformist pre-adolescent pea-brain when I saw my favorite pop idol of the time, Debby Harry, appear on The Muppet Show, backed up by a band of muppets, singing her hit One Way or Another.

How could Debby Harry appear on a kid’s TV show, singing one of her cool songs next to a bunch of muppets? Didn’t she feel stupid? It didn’t look like she did. She looked like she enjoyed it. It looked like she thought it was the coolest thing ever. I was forced to rethink this thing about The Muppet Show being uncool.

Oh, but I was so much older then; I’m younger than that now.